I have not found it necessary to participate in my most destructive behavior since December 4, 1990. However, in my favorite 12 step program, we have a saying. "If you sober up a horse thief, what you have is a sober horse thief." I've experienced resistance to every form of solution that's come my way over the years, but for the grace of God, I have not had to return to the more painful institutions of  higher learning.

Blossom Run 2004

Ten years ago I surrendered my nicotine addiction. My first born Son disappeared a few weeks later. His remains were not discovered for 3 months. He was a few weeks away from his 17th birthday. His mother and I had been separated for 5 years. The last time I saw my son, I was in the grip of nicotine withdrawal. I remember how easily angered I was that weekend.

The ensuing guilt and remorse pushed me into yet another inventory cycle. Among other things, I found it necessary to own the fact that I had always placed more importance on the women in my life than my own children. Mind you, these were decisions I had made in "Recovery", not while in the grip of addiction.

This site is dedicated  in Loving Memory of my Son "Jeremy Logan Higgins", May 19, 1980- April 24, 1997. We will ride together again.

My Son Jeremy
Age 6

The process of recovery requires courage and a willingness, at least on occasion, to embrace the truth about oneself . When "PJ", my Girl Friend  of three years, passed away in April of 2002, I felt an emptiness I had never experienced before. I ran head long and out of control through the lives of two women in rapid succession.

When I could no longer stay a step ahead of my pain, I again picked up a "simple kit of spiritual tools". I entered yet another 12 step program and after "hangin' around" for a few months I decided to bite the bullet and enter an  extremely difficult period of emotional withdrawal. I remained single for the next 4 years.

Summer of
2006

On page 99 of the 12 Steps and 12 Tradition book is the prayer of Saint Francis. Repeated over and over is the phrase "I may bring....". For most of my life, in and out of recovery, I have showed up in one situation after another asking myself ,What can I "take" from here? What does this situation offer that will make me feel better?

Today, more and more, I look for ways to feel better on my own. I find that I'm my worst enemy. "Whatever I focus on increases". If I look towards the solution, the solution increases. If I give my attention to whatever seems to be irritating me, the irritation increases. God really doesn't need me to Police this universe. God's only will for me is that I be Happy, Joyous and Free. If I'm not, it's because I've chosen otherwise.

Spring 2007

Today, it is my frequent hope that I can bring to the lives of many a glimpse of what "Happy, Joyous and Free" really means. I  am so grateful to be able to add to the lives of so many and at the same time offer an example of real clean and sober fun that's available to anyone that wants it.

My vision is that SoberRun.Com become a frequent stop for all individuals that have a desire to live joyfully in recovery.

Finally, In the words of my late sponsor, John Carney, "have a good day...if you want to".

With Love...really...Doug

Rainbow Pool
May 25, 2007